Pourquoi?

I recently returned from some fun performances with the Chamber Orchestra of Philadelphia. It was very unusual for me, since I was conducting and playing two harpsichord concertos, along with an orchestral second half. The musicians were smart, fun, and extremely talented, and I had connections with several of them. It was lovely that some great friends came out to see me. Before that, I had been at Anchorage Opera for one month to conduct the American premiere of Missing, a very important opera about the 5,000 missing Indigenous women in Canada. Before that, I had just music directed a production of Alcina at Eastman Opera Theatre. Before that, I conducted a world premiere by Joy Harjo and Anthony Davis, How Bright the Sunlight, with the Eastman Philharmonia. Before that, I conducted a very difficult opera, Lear on the 2nd Floor, by Anthony Davis for Eastman Opera Theatre. Before that, I curated, composed, commissioned and performed two concerts at the Moab Music Festival. Before that, it was summer. I should say that most of these projects were overlapping, while I was also in meetings for future events.

Today is a beautiful April day. I’m sitting on the porch with my beautiful hound, Pumpkin, while my husband prepares to drive off to New Jersey. My question for today is: why do we do this? For recognition (very likely for most), for others, for ourselves, for the composer? I am at a crossroads and am truly wondering the simple answer to this question.